holding out for something that feels okay

So I watched this movie last week that Mike Mills made called Beginners, and it made me feel and think about a whole lot of things, least of all how terrified I still am of death. Death is terrifying and can happen ANY TIME. I legitimately have to stop myself from thinking about death every day otherwise I might become a total recluse who does nothing ever again. Wait, I mean even MORE of a recluse than I already am. Seriously though, you should watch this movie if you haven't already, because as a most likely normal person, you will only feel the other things I felt when watching it, which while sometimes sad were also very good feelings,  and not end up sitting on the floor in your bedroom wondering when you and everyone you love is going to die and how you can stop this.

I saw the Pipilotti Rist exhibition at ACCA yesterday, it has this giant room where you can lie on the floor and stare at her digital work that is being projected onto the ceiling and it makes you feel quite good and calm. My only problem with that show is that I don't see any changes in her work since I first saw her work 10 years ago, and I think part of it being so relaxing was that you were lying down in a darkened room on islands of carpet. I will most likely go back and lie down there again though, so maybe it was something more. Or maybe it was that island of carpet.